Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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