did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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