This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
