It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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