ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
