You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
