I swear she didn't look like that last week.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
