Well douche your snatch and let's go!
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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