Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
