I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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