Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
