my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I see more hoeing in ur future
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
