He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
