so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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