Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
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Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i drank out of a bidet.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
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Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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