I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The uberlube is also flammable
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
