Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
