the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Come on in and take your pants off
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