I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
you never un-have a 4some
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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