Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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