with your own penis?
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize