hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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