i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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