the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
