Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
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Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
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I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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