There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize