Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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