he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
