I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
