No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
