She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize