i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
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When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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