did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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