from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
