this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
