dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
