I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
