ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
