i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
