My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
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Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
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Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
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