You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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