I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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