I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Randomize
