She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
