Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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