Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
