You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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