thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
