I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
