Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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