Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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