Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
