i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
