So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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