i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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