So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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