I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize